Two weeks ago, I submitted some asshole moves one could perform in World of Warcraft to make the lives of others miserable. However, I didn't want submit MY dickhead moment; only because I needed time to let some of my victims get namechanges. From January to February, for three weeks in game I had my Warrior, Looks, offer herself as a Girlfriend to anyone pathetic or gullible enough to take me up on the business. To my surprise, business was good.
My goal was to see how many "boyfriends", for lack of a more demeaning term, I could maintain at one time. The rules I set for myself were not to spend any gold at all on the loves of my life, and never implicitly ask them for gold or items. No real cybersex either - I save that for the Something Awful forums. I would, however, depend on the kindness of these strangers.
Overall, I ended up with 7 players, and 4 of them at one time. Next week I'll go into the bizarre love rectangle, but this week I'll show you three men who I will never, ever forget.
Arodd: The Loverboy
The first thing I had to do, was let it be known that I was in fact, "on the market". To accomplish this, I decided to subtly bring up what a classy broad with something I think I saw on an episode on Sex in the City.
Would you believe that someone took the bait? Folks, let me introduce you to Arodd. Arodd is quite the charmer!
For the next two or three days, Arodd would chat me up now and again with what he was up to, asking what I was up to, and how he wanted to get all up ins. At first, it wasn't looking too good for my bottom line:
The next day, after I decided to ignore him somewhat in the pursuit in more noble endeavors (a guy with an epic mount), he gives me the following to "Upgrade" with. Note that the gun is worth an easy 500-550 gold on my Server, and the Righteous Orbs go for about 85g each. This is the equivalent of roughly $70 in cash, totaled together.
Still, for the next week Arodd decides to hit me up every 20 minutes (without exaggeration) if I wanted to go on a "date" with him. Things weren't working out. I decided to end it.
Love em and leave em. Instead of dwelling on shit jokes, let's move right along to the next man in my life.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
"World of Warcraft" has been sucking in cash and fat peoples' souls like a Ghostbusters containment unit, so it only seemed appropriate that Something Awful start up a section devoted to such a noble game. The Art of Warcraft tackles all the hot button ingame issues, and much more!