Artie could easily give the famous "Big Dog" of the Big Dogs clothing line a run for his money. This hardy fella is equal parts 'tude and heart. Artie is known to crank the radio all the way up to blast his favorite tunes, but then he's the kind of dog that always lives life at full volume.
It's time for another exciting voyage into the Bradford Exchange's catalog of horrible merchandise. This adventure features lamps, clocks, General Lee's inspiring leadership, Thomas Kinkade's House of Horrors, and the audacity of hope.
Gotta say, BiGDOG is touched by the huge outpouring of support. I haven't been blogging much due to my ulcer, but I'M BACK. I'm back everywhere, baby! All those ninnies attempting to sit on my free speech rights have been put in their place. You can't put truth in the doghouse!
We finally arrived! I'm with a team of amazing scientists in Antarctica, ready to do some groundbreaking research on global warming. I can remember back to my first day in college, when the world seemed so big and overwhelming. I knew I'd find my place eventually. Here I am, at the bottom of the world. But you know what? I feel on top of the world.
Little is known about this introverted dachshund. Bug likes to keep a low profile, and doesn't seem to like people getting too close or looking at him. In spite of his shyness, Bug has cultivated quite a following, with eager admirers hoping for a chance to pet and hold him. We here at BarkWire are definitely part of that following.
First, if you're still upset about the divorce, you need to realize that your mother and I were never really very close. Remember that time you came downstairs when we were having that party and you asked why everyone put their keys in a bowl and we told you we were having a "car swapping party"? Well, that wasn't really about swapping cars.
Why, Jerry, did you have to take pictures of my sweatpants and email them to my girlfriend? I told you that there would be intermittent bleeding while I recover and that there would be a viscous discharge as my inner thighs scab over. I also explained that because of the changes to my anatomy, I would have limited control over my sphincter.
I am Eugene Cranford Fouke, cousin of the much-admired Philip Bond Fouke, who, at this tortured hour, is once again ill. I have spared no expense on his care and comfort, insisting Dr. F. Gerald Thornton labor by his side, constantly sponging the seep from his engorged cranium. Naturally, I am assuming control of this outfit until Philip recovers.
Did you know that right now there are 25 unique varieties of pie in the world? Scientists, researchers, and independent adventurers have identified each of these 25 types. They have carefully arranged these pies on a chart using exact weights, measurements, and physical characteristics. A brief listing is as follows.
To be completely honest, Jerry, I was hoping that this medical crisis would spark the fires of reconciliation between us. What better to unite two ideological rivals than something as raw and sobering as a medical crisis? In the words of Legato from Trigun, "The greater the tragedy, the greater the emotional effect."
The captain observed the distant landmass through his trusty spyglass. It was dark, but the silhouette of the island stood out from the surrounding sea and cut a jagged hole in the night sky that blackened out any stars. "Skull's Island!" He cried out. "We're naming that island after me -- Captain Skull."
Ruthless and efficient, El Cráneo Negro is less a dog and more a force of nature. Since arriving in town, he has supplanted the dominate hierarchy, establishing himself as leader of the pack and instigating a wave of dog-sponsored terrorism on a scale never before seen in Shaggy Butte.
Just a quick update for you BiGDOG fans out there. I'm still battling the POWERS THAT BE over my unfair banning at BarkWire.com. Looks to me like those fascists have no intention of honoring the law. Guess they've never read the constitution? But then again, these are probably the same idiots throwing their votes away on McCain and Obama.
It hurts so bad right now, Jerry. I can feel my face rebuilding itself. My eyes are growing larger, finally able to see the world for what it is. And my chin, Jerry, which you once described as "a hairy scrotum full of ranch dressing and marbles," is now a sharp point. Like a blade.
I've looked over the figures. It's not good, people. Americans just don't care about corn. Gas prices are up and the economy is in the tank. Nobody wants to pay money for an unpopular food like corn. The problem isn't with consumers, the problem is with you. We can't change corn, but we can change the way people think about it.
Trappers and shippers, I come before you with news of glory and triumph! So great is my satisfaction right now that I CAN SCARCELY FEEL THE SHARP PAIN IN MY SKULL THAT PLAGUES ME DAY AND NIGHT. The source of this unbridled joy: MY HEROIC RESCUE OF J. F. SWANTON FROM CERTAIN DEATH.
Vermin, quite simply, is a mean and hateful dog. In the few short months since he arrived on the scene, he has caused nothing but misery and suffering for other dogs, dog owners, and dog lovers in general. Though his past is largely shrouded in legends and tall tales, one thing is for certain: Vermin is a force to be reckoned with.
Clownportal.com is the #1 cam portal site on the Internet, bringing members of the clown community together to laugh, make friends, and share what it means to be a clown in this modern era. It's not quite real life, but any closer and you would have pie in your face!
The NEWS MAGAZINE of the COMPUTER SCREEN returns with yet more riveting stories of the day! From the heartland to the fair coasts, to the deepest reaches of other continents, the SA REEL SERVICE goes where the stories are waiting to be told! Find out what is happening in YOUR WORLD TODAY!
Having just moved, my grand plan is to fill my swingin' bachelor pad with merchandise from the Bradford Exchange, the premier source of things with eagles, wolves, Jesus, and dragons emblazoned on them. What better way to live than to be surrounded by the soaring symbols of America's pride, history, and ingenuity?
Gentleladies and men, I am no stranger. You know me pretty well. I'm that guy who writes about dogs and hasn't had an original idea in roughly three years. We're practically a common law couple now. After all the times you suffered through my terrible updates for free, I feel like you owe me. You owe me a lot, okay?
Doublewide is as well known for his temper as he is for his appetite. He is rarely seen far from food, and is known to make a meal out of virtually anything. This vicious creature would prove more intimidating if not for his debilitating weight, which greatly diminishes his ability to give chase.
Noir is a bit of a mystery. Few people ever seem to get to spend more than a few hours with her. She is known for her aloof behavior and evasiveness, often avoiding people for as long as she can. But when she needs something, she knows how to play the role of man's best friend like no other.
Clumpy enjoys near legendary status with many college students, some even regarding him as a myth. He is far from fiction, though. I had the privilege of meeting Clumpy at a party in 2004, before his health started to decline. He was every bit the party animal the stories made him out to be.
An open letter to the Neighborhood Association regarding the behavior of Shady Vale's newest resident, Langall Stormbeard, on the subject of his unkempt yard and reckless use of sorcery.
Promise has been one of Barkwire's top dogs for over a year. With looks that make most humans drool, she has no trouble stealing hearts and making waves. This angelic beauty has a winning personality and a strong love of children, which has made her a favorite of young girls everywhere.
With the distinct aroma of politics in the air, I cannot help but feel obligated to run for office. Trust me when I say that it is not a false sense of entitlement that compels me, nor is it what Dr. Martin Luther King called the "fierce urgency of now." It is simply the knowledge that unlike my opponent...
Senator made a name for himself with a series of negative encounters with many dog enthusiasts. When I went out to see for myself just what kind of dog Senator was, I was surprised to meet such a stunningly well behaved and friendly dog. He was very approachable, wagged his tail enthusiastically, and barked excitedly, though never too much.
Rusty is an interesting Golden Retriever. He's a bit of an odd one, and definitely a love-him-or-hate-him kind of dog. While I have had many good encounters with Rusty over the years, his personality can be kind of off-putting to some. He's very independent and has unusual dietary interests. Definitely has some hygiene issues though.
The SA REEL SERVICE returns to bring you all the latest news happening in YOUR WORLD. This week's stories take us all the way from the high seas to the deepest reaches of the United States! Find out what is happening in YOUR AMERICA with the SA REEL SERVICE'S NEW MAGAZINE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN.