Enjoy Something Awful's year-end roundup of awesome viral lists of totally WIN stuff from 2012! Featuring the HOTTEST celebs, the FAITH IN HUMANITYEST tweets and the WINNEST things you remember from the 90s!
With last week’s election, it became official: American freedom is a thing of the past. Barack Obama will spend the next four years driving the final stake through the heart of a once proud nation. Therefore, I, John Donderondo, am committing to totally disengage from all liberals and liberal institutions from this day forward.
It has come our attention that certain white people are very confused about when it is and isn't appropriate to use the "n word." As a service to our readers, we've prepared a comprehensive FAQ with detailed directions for nearly every situation in which the word might be used.
Romney's not backing down from his "47 percent" remarks-- in fact, that’s not the only demographic Mitt has decided not to bother with. In the full version of the hidden-camera video, he mentions several other buckets of the population who he’ll probably never win over.
The life of J.F. Swanton brims with deed and circumstance! Never before have I had so many evil acts to report, and to write of each in detail would overfill this newsletter to a state of bloody bursting, like the bladder of an elk suffering the horror of my patented Agonizing Urine Reversal Trap (pg. 12).
“TC,” the girls call me. That’s short for towel coach-- it’s my job to oversee the ladies’ locker room. Go ahead and laugh, but I take my job seriously.
Your Band Sucks temporarily rises from the grave to examine the new reissue of Loveless, My Bloody Valentine's landmark album of mumbling and weird guitars. Spot every nuance of the remaster and listen like a pro!
Shower pressure is pretty good most of the time, but when your roomie flushes the toilet it gets a little drizzly. There’s only one bathroom, so we have sort of an “open bathroom” arrangement. I took the liberty of removing the lock from the door, so if we both need to pee at the same time, we can totally “play swords” LOL!
Last week, Santorum backer Foster Friess came under intense media scrutiny for a joke he made during an MSNBC interview: "You know, back in my days, they’d use Bayer aspirin for contraceptives," Friess said. "The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly." We’ve contacted Mr. Friess to clarify his positions.
It’s almost that time of year again, Shaggy Butters: the 19th annual Downtown Dreams Festival will be taking over the Shaggy Butte Plaza! As always, we’ve got a stellar schedule of fine art, food, local vendors, rock music and fun. Best of all, we’ve got the best lineup of big-ticket headliners Downtown Dreams has ever seen.
In the days when we had no god, we did not know what death brung. But now we have Swimp, and we are content to die: we will join our cuddle-soft cutie bunny on the moon forever. We will romp and play, and sour clams will be unlimited and Swimp will open their tins for us. Every person will be there, except Dorroile.