I want my bed to look like the health department is checking for bedbugs. I want to feel like it’s on an episode of Maury getting scanned for semen.
You aren’t making a sandwich, you’re making a mess.
Six simple tips on awkwardly writing about yourself!
But I won’t like it.
Don't let him start playing soccer before reading this!
I’m just trying to enjoy a scheduled show at my own glacial pace.
The Rasta Banana represents your best traits: your love of Jamaica, of reggae, of potassium.
Greetings Recent Graduate! Now that you've finished college, it’s time to give back!
Just answer the question.
Survivalist Fetish? The Creepiest First Date? Naked and Afraid is a complex show.
In Freelancing Hell, you are Steve Jobs and the children at Foxconn at the same exact time. Are you a bad enough dude to save yourself?
Save reading WebMD and overreacting for the winter. Let's have some fun.
The Best Cyber-Fathers Around!
Better than the Real Thing!
It’s a careful dance between the customer’s moral reasoning and the server’s need to pay rent.
Apparently being a worthwhile state takes more than an Etsy t-shirt and an alchemist’s concoction of microbrewers/food trucks/cupcake bakeries.
Are you telling me that every time a bee comes within thirty feet, you have to throw a fit?
You’re the renaissance man of low skilled labor. Monopolize entry jobs; control every aspect of the lowest rung. Stack your 1099s to the sky. Contractor till you die.
All the season's shocking secrets revealed right here!
Two popular paths for the recent college graduate, but which one is right for you?
It looks like you sifted through your couch cushions, picked out the nickels and dimes, and glued the rest to your face. I should have told you in December. I’m sorry.
Everything you need to know about the Pope’s retirement from the Holy Gaming Sect
In the presence of Alex Trebek, everyone wants to look interesting. Few succeed.
There is blood on Jim Davis's hands.
FYI I’ve done the research and there is no Victorian gesture of putting your testicles on someone’s neck while they try to watch elderly women drink tea. It’s just gross.
Copyright ©2013 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.