The Hawaiichair is a lapdance/hula hoop simulator, that uses patented "We Strapped a Loud Boat Motor to the Bottom of an Office Chair" technology to help you think you're losing weight, fast. Unlike every other scam exercise machine that advertises you don't actually have to work out, this one had the audacity of saying you can just use the device anywhere. Using a Hawaiichair in front of your family isn't embarassing enough - they ask for you to use it at work, at meetings, and Nascar venues.

"THANK YOU LADIES FOR COMING TO THIS MEETING. PLEASE DON'T MIND ME, THE CHAIR OR THE SCREAMING - TRYING TO GET THAT SVELTE ANCIENT HULA DANCER LOOK. ALSO, I'M GONNA SPIROGRAPH ALL OVER THE CLIENT CONTRACTS WITH THIS PEN."


The human testimonials on the infomercial are done by fat people and victims of car crash . The fat people aren't any less fat, but they do claim it stops all chronic pain. They also claim Hawaiichair will cure diabetes, couch potatoes, and being old.


For the full Hawaiichair experience, be sure to pick up the Hawaiichannel, read the Hawaiibook, and have your family laugh at your lack of shame.

The website itself is a Flash Ad, that offers 24/7 Customer Support Live Chat Feel free to hit them up at 3am and tell them that you are on the Hawaiichair right now & you can't move your legs. They are there to help you buy more Hawaiichairs and not give you a refund. And don't be fooled by knockoff Hawaiichairs - get ripped off by only the original!


– Caylen "Abraham" Burroughs

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.