according to my dryer trap i'm dying
Today's ALOD is about Morgellons, a fictional disease where the "sufferer" takes a microscope, a digital camera and makes a poorly designed conspiracy website with it. What makes Morgellons USA extra special is the amount of time and outrage this man has put into his totally fakeass imagery - hundreds of photos of magnified lint, dried up Elmer's Glue, charcoal, toenails & what appears to be Metroids, set to the MIDIs of antiquated elevator music.
But how does one treat an illness that is totally real & not made up? Drink nano-technology, liquid silver & take long baths in gallons of hydrogen peroxide! Liquid Silver kills HIV, Morgellons (although he still has it), functioning Brain Cells, the Common Cold and Gunshot Wounds! Ignore what doctors tell you to do in order to save money on your purchases of liquid silver! Save even more by purchasing from the retarded website owner!
My favorite part of Morgellons USA, however, is the dude's vendetta against trained medical professionals who have called him out on this bullshit. What the fuck do licensed, experienced "Doctors" know about crazy people and their made up pathogens? There's no time for the scientific method, or rational myth debunking when lives could be lost. The Alfred Hitchcock music really sets the tone for his passive-aggressive outrage.
You're right - the dude who's photo you internet detective'd out of his personal blog doesn't exist. It's all a part of some zionist, chemtrail 9/11 conspiracy to encourage you to spend 30 hours a week taking pictures of charcoal and skin peelings, and posting them on the internet. Phase 2 will involve the RIAA forcing you to pay royalties on the music embedded on your website. Phase 3 has something to do with HMOS, that pyramid on the dollar bill, and invisible skin worms forcing you to refinance your mortgage at less than favorable rates. No amount of liquid silver can stop us! We are invincible!
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Jeff Foxworthy has awakened to the new flesh to tell some redneck jokes.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.