Sound Judgement, submitted by Me. It's only fitting that a site as visually overwhelming as this opens with the sound of a woman screaming. It's a sound that will echo in your head as your browser goes on a roller coaster journey through the lowest depths of the Internet Dorkland. You see, this is the website for the rock and roll hellcats called Sound Judgement! These madmen of rock look pretty much like the dads of every guy I ever knew in high school. No, I didn't go to Rock and Roll High, either. When they aren't busy driving their kids to Sunday School, these rock megastars are jamming inside their secretive "Stabbin Cabin" or playing hot gigs at redneck family reunions and graduation parties.
If you think this looks pretty, wait until you see it in all its animated glory!
They might be talented musicians, I don't know. But I can say with certainty that their web design skills are a war crime and should be investigated immediately by the new international war crimes court. From the villainous Grim Reaper wielding an illegal guitar-scythe hybrid to the giant red oval backgrounds masked behind cliché animated gifs stolen from video games and every other site on the web, this is the ocular equivalent of a colonoscopy. It's an all out assault of shitty graphics and art mixed with pointless Java visual nuisance applets. In fact, just about every image is made even more annoying by the usage of some kind of Java applet that makes the colors cycle through the spectrum or some other amazing act of super cool flare! Thank god these guys haven't found out about lens flares yet. Congrats guys, that copy of Adobe Photoshop and Eyecandy really paid off! More amazing, some of the pages even feature a wicked red x (the graphic displayed when an image is missing or incorrectly linked) that follows your mouse cursor around. Why hide your mistakes when you can have it stalk your viewer's every move? Only squares play by the rules and these guys are anything but square! This site is pretty much strictly a visual experience since they invested all their effort into making you wish you were blind and figured at that point text was just going to be useless.
Be sure to check out their great poster gallery when you visit. It's best viewed in full screen mode so you can see how terrible it looks without any interference. From there you can see great pages like this. Call the fire department because these guys are burning down that house with rock and roll! The site ends with a Flash gallery jam packed with two amazing animated shorts, one of which never ends and pretty much doesn't even begin. But that's okay, because you can watch it for hours! Go ahead, watch it for hours! If this is the kind of thing that excites you, then you can now die complete. But don't expect to rest in peace because the dreams you've chosen to follow will never allow that.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
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