Temple of Genitals, submitted by kostjan. I was flyng back home after a brief visit to my parents' house in Wisconsin I had to take a lot of drugs to go on the plane so that I wouldn't freak out and projectile-vomit onto the herd of other travellers. When I emerged from my drug-induced stupor, I thought about this: shouldn't there be a website dedicated to the worsip of genitals? I mean, it would be brilliant! Genitals are the best! Imagine my dismay when the drugs wore off and I discovered that someone had already thought of that exact same thing.
I, Mikhail Armalinsky, after long contemplation and detailed writings, have realized the necessity to create a virtual Temple of Genitals. In the Temple there are conducted the worship of genitals, which existed in ancient times. Here are the justifications for the worship:
1.Cognizance of the god is given to a person in orgasm. Approaching orgasm, therefore, is actually an anticipation of the god.
2. Because orgasm appears in genitals, they are divine. The trembling that genitals make you feel is a manifestation of genuine religious excitement.
3. Genitals as a means of cognition of the god are the objects of reverence and pride; they are an incarnation of ideal beauty.
4. Copulation and masturbation are true worship.
5. Genitals connect us with the future by childbirth, which is the god's miracle. Genitals, therefore, not only appeal to the god through orgasm but also create miracles through the power of the god.
6. Any portrayal of genitals represent an icon.
7. The pleasure that one gets from observing a portrayal of genitals is icon worshiping.
8. Prostitution provides accessible orgasms to anyone. Thus prostitutes are to be revered, admired, and cherished.
Ok, if you read all of that, there is no need or reason for me to have to say that this person is obviously batfuckingshit insane. The worst part is that you can use this website as a dating service and find other genital-worshippers across the seas and build gonad shrines out of linguini and popsicle sticks together. How romantic. This site has so much to teach us, I don't even know where to begin. I need to start inspecting more random genitals, that's for sure.
Go here to see all of the freakish genitals they have collected and usually the email addresses, country of residence, and sexual orientation of the person (or people) they belong to. They also have a guestbook, by the way. They also invite you to "send them your prayer."
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
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