Hello, my name is Hemorrhoy Rogers, submitted by Turbotux. THIS LINK IS NOT SAFE FOR THOSE AT WORK.

Hemorrhoy Rogers is the name for a fake retarded one-man band that writes either the worst or the best songs of all time. The jury is still out but leaning towards worst. They are almost always extremely brief and the jaw-dropping high number of tracks on a given album easily explains why each song's lyrics makes a stream of consciousness segue into the next. For example, here are the lyrics to three songs by Hemorrhoy Rogers.

1) I'm gonna Run Like the Wind (like Butafucko) [into my bathroom, to be free again] or I'm gonna pee into the wind
I'm gonna run like the wind / Run like my mom / Run like a dog / Run into the bathroom and drop a log (make sound like frog) / I'm gonna run like the wind into my bathroom / To be free again! / I'm gonna run my fingers thru my hair / Then I'm gonna run into the night...

2) Rob Sutton Fucked Meg Ryan
Rob Sutton Fucked Meg Ryan / Rob fucked my mom, / Then Rob fucked my dog! YEAH!!!

3) My Dog is a Rock Climbing Fool
My dog is a rock climbing fool / Oh, he likes to go rock climbing after school / He doesn't wear a helmet or even a pair of gloves / But rock climbing is what he loves. / YEAH!!!

His site is an almost unreadable and extremely long list of lyrics with the occasional mis-linked porn or death image and links to purchase his CDs. The site is extremely funny to just read through the lyrics of the songs in a single sitting, but woe betide the fool who actually thinks it's a good idea to buy one of the CDs. All humor and sick genius is quickly leeched from the songs when you hear them performed in an agonizing fake retard warble.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.