Humorix: All Linux Humor, submitted by Kind Budz 4Life. If you ever feel that our quality here at Something Awful is slipping and you'd like a brisk slap in the face to remind you that we aren't really that horrible then I suggest a brief trip to Humorix. Not even Linus Torvalds would laugh at this crap.
After it has successfully reproduced, the virus begins the tricky process of upgrading the system to Linux. First, the virus modifies AUTOEXEC.BAT so that the virus will be re-activated if the system crashes or is shut down while the upgrade is in process. Second, the virus downloads a stripped-down Slackware distribution, using a lengthy list of mirror sites to prevent the virus from overloading any one server.
Then the virus configures a UMSDOS filesystem to install Linux on. Since this filesystem resides on a FAT partition, there is no need to re-partition the hard drive, one of the few actions that the Word macro langugage doesn't allow.
Ohhhhhh SNAP! Take that Word macro language!
REDMOND, WA -- Demonstrating its "commitment to security", Microsoft today unveiled a new patent-pending method to prevent users from accidentally following malicious URLs. Under the new system, to be released in the next version of Internet Explorer, the browser will prevent users from clicking on links but will instead guide them to manually type in the URL in the address bar and then hit ENTER.
My favorite thing about Humorix is that they label all of their stories as "Fake News" or "Fictional Story". I think the reason for this is because their incessant and unfunny barbs at Microsoft are so entirely devoid of humor that people need to be warned ahead of time to look for jokes. Pretty soon they'll have flashing GIFs (probably brightly colored PNGs) next to every single joke they make. If you do luck out and spot one of their hilarious slams on Microsoft - every article on the site is making fun of Microsoft - you will feel a small part of yourself die in the process.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.