Jay Maynard's TRON costume, submitted by klem_johansen. Jay Maynard was really stoked about competing his first Masquerade at Penguicon this month! He was new to the contest so naturally he wanted to make a big splash! He spent hundreds of hours laboring over his masterpiece: a suit like ones won in the mediocre Disney movie TRON!Oh sweet gentle Jesus. Why do you do this to me?
"The universal reaction was "cool!". I submitted the costume for judging in the workmanship category, thinking I'd get some really constructive comments from the judges. After that, we went out, one by one, and showed off to the audience, and optionally gave a presentation; I spoke for a few moments about how I wasn't TRON, but a simple payroll withholding calculation program that had gotten overweight by changes in the laws. The judges went off and decided while the MC entertained us and the audience."
Well that's kind of a downer. He's not even in the cool TRON program where they get to compete in a variety of deadly games, but a boring accounting program that got fat. Then what does he need that disk for if he's not going to use it? I bet the judges knocked him down a few points for that oversight.
I'm sure you've already noticed by now and probably stabbed yourself in the eyes with a dull butter knife, but you can clearly see Mr. Maynard's unsightly package bulging out from his spandex. Oh what's that, you are having trouble seeing it? Ok, I'll use my trusty picture program to help you out there buddy.
Holy mother of God. I'm pretty sure wearing this costume is illegal in 48 states. It looks like a little slug is trying to chew it's way out of his suit to escape the enormous nerd it's attached to. To give Jay credit, he probably put more work into making this costume than I ever will doing anything in my life. Also, the death rate among the prostitutes in the area dropped significantly once he started working on the TRON suit. But I'm sure that's just a crazy coincidence. I was also reading some of his livejournal and he's in a sour mood right now so I hope this doesn't bum him out too badly. We need nerds like him to make our dreary days full of laughter, and so we feel a lot better about ourselves. Shine on you crazy diamond!
Update: Jay's costume won the best workmanship award and he was awarded with a free pass to next year's Penguicon! Also look for the easter egg somewhere in the body of this awful link update. You will be pleased.
I had to register my complaints while they were still fresh. And while the bark was still fresh and pliable.
Hey Asshole! Yeah, You, Jackass! Want To Know Which Disney Princess You Are, You Piece Of Shit?
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