DURANGO DRIVE NEWS (RITUNS FROM AN OLD BEAR), submitted by Me. I don't care if "Old Bear" is really a bear or some 86 year old typing-class dropout, he can go right to hell just the same. That's right, if you've ever wanted to watch your own grandpa pretend to be a stuffed animal, be sure to check out every "RITUN" for nuggets such as:
Of course I wus borned. But I don't know jist where or wen. My man sez since I am almost as old as he is I must have been borned about the same tyme he wus and that wus back in a year kalled nyneteen and twenty-ate. My man was borned in a hospitul in Camelzoo, a town in Michygan so I guess that wus ware I wus borned 2. I don't no nuthin about my fambly cept I think maybe my antsesturs were named Knickerbocker.
I have no idea what the hell I just copied and pasted there, but I do know this: Old Bear might as well start crying about Alzheimer's right now.
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
DOPPELGANGER NEEDED - To minimize stress to my dog, I'm looking for somebody who is identical to me to take over ownership. Must also be able to fool my wife. Call to set up interview. 555-8252
I'll never forgive these giant alien insects! I'm trying!
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