Groblek's Unbirth Page, submitted by JSB. You know, most people think I'm into some pretty sick and twisted shit with that whole "murdering people by sucking out all their blood" thing I perform as my patented Mansquito move. Well yeah, I agree that draining innocent humans of their precious red juice isn't exactly the nicest thing in the world to do. I mean, instead of TAKING their blood, I could maybe DONATE some blood to the Red Cross and give something back. Yeah, that would probably be a bit nicer. But I've been absolutely terrified of needles ever since third grade, when that fat idiot nurse stabbed me with a needle like 21 times, trying to give me some flu vaccine. If I still had human arms, I'd show you my scars and bruises from it. Then there's also that little deal involving the mosquito serum which transformed me into the hideous murder manbeast I am today, but I think we're all well aware of it at this point. "Groblek's Unbirth Page" is some giant collection of "unbirth" stories, which revolves around the central idea that a woman shoving another living being up her vagina is somehow sexy. Er, say what?!?
Susan tried to speak, to ask what he meant, but she couldn't move. Whatever he had injected her with kept her paralyzed as robotic arms came from the ceiling and cut away her clothes. When she was naked, Susan felt a fine mist spray down from the ceiling, covering her entire body. It smelled of disinfectant and tingled against her skin. Several robot arms grabbed her and lifted her onto a second operating gurney that had rolled to the center of the room. She watched helplessly as the machinery carefully made an incision in Carol's belly, then reached deep inside. The arm emerged, holding the end of an umbilical cord, which was carried over towards Susan. She felt something press against her belly button, removing the scar tissue and reactivating a long-unused portion of her anatomy. When the probe withdrew, the arm holding the umbilical cord descended in its place, and Susan felt the cord being secured to her body. She heard a buzzing noise as clippers sheared off her long blond hair, and felt a smaller pair remove her pubic hair as well. Then, her legs were folded up against her chest, and her arms crossed over her knees. Curled in this foetal position, Susan was lifted up over the incision in Carol's belly, then lowered inside. She felt the warm water envelop her, and watched in growing horror as the machines carefully closed the incision over her head. The last rays of light from the outside disappeared as the machines fused Carol's flesh back together, and Susan felt the woman's reproductive system gear up, preparing her for her stay in the womb. As she felt Carol begin to stir, coming out from under the influence of the anaesthesia, Susan felt herself dragged down into sleep.
In case you got a short attention span like me, ask one of your buds to read you the story here. Or, better yet, don't. It's a short story about a woman who is drugged, shoved up a woman's vagina, and then somehow turns into an adult baby inside an adult. Then the "pregnant" lady gives birth to this adult baby again. What's the point? It would've been a lot more awesome if the adult baby inside the adult gave birth to a little boy and then the boy grew up inside the woman with the adult baby. Then, 14 years later, the boy and his mom have sex and they give birth to their incest-created kid. But the kid - and here's the clincher - TURNS OUT TO BE A ROBOT THAT WANTS TO DESTROY ALL HUMANITY! So Will Smith jumps inside the vagina and they get into a real awesome fistfight and maybe a car chase if we could somehow create a plausible backstory involving the "pregnant" lady eating two cars and a stretch of road. Screw this Internet crap, I'm selling this script to Jerry Bruckheimer. You just wait, Mansquito is gonna tear the movie industry up, and I sure as hell ain't taking that dead weight Scientologist faggot Corin Nemec with me.
Sleeping with AC is at this point a basic human right. But if you're one of the doomed souls forced to deal with global warming on a nightly basis, here's an hourly breakdown on how to get the most out of your inferno hellscape of a bedroom.
Some of the Internet's most veteran anatomy experts convened to discuss the stolen nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and other beautiful celebrities.
We're spelunking through the movie catacombs this week. Join us, won't you?
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.