The Official Female Fart Forum (TOFFF), submitted by Ripoff. After reading this message board I sincerely wished with all my heart that a fiery comet would come and destroy the earth. We are vile and ignorant creatures, unworthy of life in this universe. Think I'm overreacting or being melodramatic? Well ok hotshot, read this excerpt from the board and then you can tell me that I'm crazy.

"Okay... so I walk out of the office about to leave the building when I hear this woman's voice coming from another room. Sounded as though she was by herself talking on the phone... which she was, when I looked through the door of the empty room/kitchen area to find a SUPER HOT girl on the phone talking to whoever. She was facing opposite towards the door, so her incredible ass was staring at me in the face. She had on gray spandex pants, REALLY nice ass, light skinned girl, could've been Spanish or white. She had long black straight hair, and one of the most killer booties you'll ever see. She had on a tight pink shirt on, and her ass/hip ration in conjunction with her waist measurement was outrageous. I kept staring at her for a long as I could without her knowing I was there. I couldn't stop mentally bending her body in different positions like doggie style and such as I watched her stare out the window in the room. She was in the room with her incredible ass, I'm just thinking "wow, she's alone, I hope she farts, imagine what her farts smell like?"
So I walked away for a min or two, nobody was in the hallway, I crept back up to the door slowly, looked in to find her sitting on an orange colored felt cushion padded wooden chair that reclines backward. She sat there rocking with her legs crossed on the phone while eating cottage cheese... still her back facing me while I'm watching this super hot chick.
So, naturally, I couldn't wait for her to leave the room since she was apparently on a break from work, so I could smell the seat to tell if she farted on it. I went into the bathroom for at least 2-3 minutes, hoping she would leave the room. I walk out of the bathroom to find the door to the room wide open, and the lights were OUT. SHE LEFT!!! As SOON as I left the bathroom I heard a door shut, hoping it was her shutting the door to the office she returned to. So I walk quickly to the room with the lights off, I walked over near the chair where she sat....
As soon as I walked over near the chair I smelled a mixture between perfume and farts... the air hovering over the chair was definitely funky. I leaned down and smelled the seat where the super hot girls amazing ass sat for at least 5 minutes straight...
It smelled like pure girl farts... a strong fart essence was present in the felt padded seat cushion, I started buggin out. I kept smelling the cushion for as long as the smell's odor retained it's embodiment. I was in heaven with the sexy fumes that only lasted a couple of minutes. I buried my face into the seat cushion smelling this HOT girls candy farts. I was so happy that day.

It was the whole aspect that she was in that room totally comfortable, she knew nobody was around, and God knows how many farts she let out, if she enjoyed the smell, or what. I caught her farts and she had no idea, it's great when that happens. I intend on continuing my trips to this office.
"

That's what I thought! Don't worry, we are all in this together and must share the curse of the knowledge that people on this planet get sexual gratification smelling each other's farts. Death would be a blessing at this point.

– Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.