U.P.M.A.R.T. - United People Movement Against Road Tolls, submitted by TECC01. These people hate tollbooths! In fact, they hate them A LOT. Heck, they might even hate them even more than that! Out of all the stupid, retarded, worthless things the US government does on a daily basis, are road tolls really such an important issue, one crucial enough to warrant approximately 100 billion words about them? Or to go to jail after refusing to pay them? Apparently this guy thinks so.
Whilst I was locked up and detained in remand by the aforesaid officers, for two days, I was denied fluoride-free water and food that was fit for human consumption. I was also denied the dietary supplementations to which I was accustomed. Other rights that were denied to me include, but are not limited to denial of visitor rights, denial of my right to make a phone call, denial of access to my legal documents. Thus for two days I drank nothing, ate nothing save for 5 green tinged oranges, was not allowed to contact anyone and vice versa, and was locked in a cell with a person who was up 24 hours of the day and had severe psychological problems whist he was on heavy medication. In fact, the choice to put me in such a cell was deliberate, and was verbalised as such by the officer in charge. Even when fluoride-free spring water was presented to the jail for me to drink by my friends, this water was denied to me. Thus upon my body, being presented before the court on following Monday, whilst dehydrated, hungry and sleep deprived, was called upon by my will to perform the task of self defence in this matter. Whilst in court, I was denied the right to access the charges that were brought against me, and friends who were in the court with me, were denied the right to hand documents to me that were probative to my matter.
OH MY GOD THEY FED HIM GREEN TINGED ORANGES AND FLOURIDE-FREE WATER! Truly this is all the reasoning and logic we need to vanquish the evil tollbooth cartel.
The Remains of Bidet (James Ivory, 1993)
We might find we have more in common than we think if we just stop fighting long enough to combine our bodies into a singular organism.
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