Martial Arts Accelerated Battlefield Combatives, submitted by spiritfox. Get ready to kick ass like Neo or maybe Chuck Norris if he had some means of entering the Matrix:
"The Shocking Story of How The
U.S. Military, The Feds, and Every Martial Art School On The Planet Is Trying To Prevent You From Getting This
Elite Combat Training."
"When we decided to reveal these accelerated combat skills formulated exclusively for Spec-Op soldiers, Secret Service agents, and top CIA operatives,
word quickly got back to Washington- and the whole thing sent shockwaves throughout the entire Defense bureaucracy!"
"Top-level government “higher-ups” started asking serious questions and even conducted “private” investigations. 12 public venues suddenly “clammed up” and said we couldn’t use their facilities for training. 3 film production companies, one right after the next, abruptly cancelled our taping sessions. And get this…57 different, privately owned martial art schools, all originally excited to have us, suddenly seemed scared to let us hold a seminar, or even speak to their students!"
It’s crystal clear that the “Powers That Be” don’t want us “sharing” such highly valued military level combat skills with ordinary civilians.
But we are going to do it anyway!
The real shocker? You too can be an unstoppable killing machine for only $127 but YOU HAVE TO SIGN UP BY MIDNIGHT TONIGHT! Be the envy of your neighbors as you beat the hell out of them, killing them mercilessly with your secret combat training.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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