The Truth about Halloween, submitted by gucci helicopter.
I hope you had a good time on Halloween, fair readers, because it’s going to cost you… with your eternal soul! Of all the things that people get extremely serious about (i.e. Star Trek, model airplanes, the internet), people get the most extremely serious about Jesus. Now, don’t get me wrong, a little faith in the Christ never hurt anybody, but some people feel the need to bring us all down by illuminating all of the nitty-gritty shit that Jesus knows about and is not going to let slide. Foremost among these concerns is Halloween, when our children dress as demons and dabble with the occult (or, you know, dress as princesses and dabble with candy; both are bad). Kudos to Demonbuster.com for being one of the bazillion sites out there to save us from hell by illuminating our sins:
Do some major Deliverance on yourself for ever celebrating halloween. Burn any left over halloween stuff in your home. Don't even open your doors to pass out "tracts". If you do, then you are celebrating this unholy day. No matter what you think of halloween, know that it is the very highest satanic holy day. As a Christian, you should not be observing it in any way, especially IN your church. The catholic church is responsible for this day to be placed in the church.
Get that? It’s the devil’s birthday, or something, and you’re gonna fry for all that candy you gluttonized into your soft areas.
You say, "Well, we don't take it seriously." But the devil does and so does God. Particularly this is true when the Church which He purchased with His own precious blood builds houses of horror in its fellowship halls so that the little lambs who have been entrusted to its care can be terrified and opened up to invading spirits of fear and torment and confusion.
How this must Grieve the Lord!
The best part about knowing exactly what Jesus does and doesn’t like is that you get to bust out mad flava like “how this must grieve the Lord” with a totally straight face. I would kill for that kind of righteousness. Many people have.
I was betrayed by the bernio bros, the cougars, and this guy from back page I hired to keep me from jumping out a window at the DNC.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
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