The Gospel of Timothy, submitted by Roger. Have you always wanted to join a religious movement but have never found one that agrees with your opinions that God does not want people to have to work and companies should be sued for 450 billion dollars if anyone is ever injured using their products or services? Then join the Timotheans! Rather than peace or love or acceptance, the main stance of the Timotheans revolves around the idea that everyone who has ever been wronged by anyone else should sue them out of existence, or else they are a mentally ill psychotic Mafia serial-killer.
Oh yeah, and I'm not sure, but I think Timothy believes he's the Messiah. Somehow I am not surprised.
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
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