Sitro Nitro, submitted by . Do you remember the eighties speed metal band Nitro? ME EITHER! But they have an amazing web site full of great info on the band, not to mention a very well used background audio file that makes me wanna' rock. Turn those speakers up and get ready to hear some low-quality audio of a man singing like a woman. Nitro also has all of the printed reviews they could track down posted on their site, including a review by Michael A. Murphy, which I will quote liberally because even though he gave them a good review he made them sound like retards. Way to go Murphy, watch out for ED-209.

It's a good thing I popped this disc into my player before looking at the band photos in the CD booklet! Nitro have to be one of the worst looking (mind you, I didn't say ugly) aggregations of hair and leather that I've seen!

A few sentences later he has this to offer:

_O.F.R._ is a guitar driven speed metal extravaganza that will get your blood moving and then set it on fire.

W00t! This album is going to get my blood moving and then it will also set my blood on fire. I remember when I was in college I drank nine-shots of Bacardi 151 and cut my finger open on a screw, I bled all over the wall of the dorm. Then a friend of mine set my blood on fire. I guess Nitro's album OFR will allow me to relive this amazing experience.

Truth be told, I don't think my dreams are going to come true. I really don't have any sort of soft-spot for this sort of music and even if I did, I doubt Nitro's skillset of "being able to scream like a woman while drums and guitars play" and "being able to play a bass guitar with four necks" will really impress me. Just remember though, as it says in the liner notes for OFR; "Play at maximum volume: if it doesn't rip the flesh off your face, it ain't loud enough!" So crank up those speakers and prepare to bid thine face adieu!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.