The Internet Police Department, submitted by Sam. On the positive side of Internet affairs, you'll be overjoyed to learn that you can rely on the Internet Police Department to protect your rights and interests in this harsh online world! The Internet Police Department, or IPD for short, or "a bunch of morons who just fell off the back of the dumbass delivery truck" for long, claim themselves to be "THE ORIGINAL INTERNET POLICING ORGANIZATION AND STILL THE BEST." You know, because there's a lot of competition in the fast-growing industry of people who are idiots.

The Internet Police Service's INTERNET TIPS: Never think u can hide your ip adsress in ICQ, because that rules or protection is merely based on the local icq, but its in the system and can be seen with IP sniffers. Need any help, i would be happy to advice u people further. Stiil in spite of this, i still think ICQ is the best programs in its group.

World's Most Wanted Internet Criminals: Michelle J Turnthorp. Wanted for hacking, irc/chatrooms violations and harasment crimes commited in August 1999. The Internet Police Service has received three separate complaints relating to similar serious activities of hers. She is not considered dangerous, but has the ability to sabatage computers.

Oh no! Not computer "sabatage"! That's almost as bad as "harasment crimes" on IRC! Either way it's refreshing to know that this elite crimefighting team of Internet professionals are out there scouring the routers and switches for crime. The IPD has their own awards and medals, a page of Internet tips, and a memorial to fallen IPD officer "Corporal Andrew Haig," who undoubtedly died of a heart attack while stalking criminals on IRC and shoving Big Macs into his giant gaping maw. Now usually the sites featured as ALoDs are in their own little fantasy world where gnomes and fairies play baseball under the magic gumdrop trees, but this site is just so far out of the reality ballpark that the members couldn't find their way back with a GPS and chauffeured limousine.

PS: They have a guestbook you can sign but you louts better keep in mind that THIS IS THE GUESTBOOK OF THE INTERNET-MOTHERFUCKING-POLICE! Don't try to write any inappropriate messages in there or else they'll designate an IPD officer to you and that officer will promptly die and be awarded a purple heart for having the most purple heart. Ground beef looks purple after its been digested.

PPS: I don't think I've made it clear how ridiculously stupid this site is.

PPPS: I still don't think I've made it clear enough.

PPPPS: After thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that there is no way to accurately convey how stupid this site is, so I'm giving up now.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.