Deliverance Radio, submitted by Oliver. Meet international minister Jay Bartlett, the man who just might save your soul. Jay, through his Deliverance Radio website, is waging a war against monsters that are really demons disguised as monsters represented by animated gifs. UFOs, Diablo, and scary ghosts from Hexen are all amongst the evil cabal of animated demonic monsters vying for control of your soul. But don’t fret, Jay has audio and textual assistance for those of you looking to spice up your life with a little pep, and a little something called salivation. I mean salvation.
While most of this site is just the typical wacky Christian site aimed at scaring nefarious atheists into hopping on the moon rover to true happiness, the cornea-blasting armada of animated gifs makes this anything but inviting. I suppose it might convert the bottomed-out AOL chatroom junky, though. Not only did this site not save my poor, slightly chaffed soul, but also my one good eye got a little less good.
One way Satan keeps humans away from God is by promoting an interest in the supernatural. The initial interest may be attempting a séance, reading your horoscope, playing the ouija board, Bloody Mary, or any of the fantasy role playing games. From there the devil leads the misguided individual to get absorbed in a fantasy role playing game or Satanic literature. Then before he or she knows it they have withdrawn from family and friends, drastic personality changes have occurred and they have become extremely secretive.
This my friends is right on the money! I was recently playing a Satanic, ouija-like game called Scrabble, spelling out ominous and prophetic words like “hat” and "pulverization" and I think I might have accidentally given my soul to a monster. In a time of great need I turned to Count Chocula, a vampire, and he appeased the hunger in my soul. Oh how blind I am! If only the hardcore ministry of Jay was there to stop me with fiery words and animated gifs of demons disguised as monsters. WHY HAVE I BEEN FORSAKEN?
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
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