Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist, submitted by BenT. I'm mad about Madeleine Kane! No, seriously, I'm really pissed off! I may be a pathetic unfunny immature nerd-ass, but at least I'm not the factory of anti-amusement that is Ms. Kane. Here's just one of many examples:
I have great news for all you multi-taskers and for people who think pumping gas is a bore: Any day now, your local service station may be equipped with a combination gas pump/web browser. That way you'll be able to surf hot sites and scan your spam while breathing in gasoline fumes.
You think I'm making this up? Fraid not. Radiant Systems Inc. has announced this very service/product/testament to modern mankind's inability to do just one thing at a time.
As bizarre as this "service" sounds, don't assume it'll disappear quicker than you can burn through a tank of gas. AOL, which has a talent for sniffing out and popularizing the "next big thing," has announced a strategic partnership with Radiant. Now "strategic partnership" is one of those phrases I never quite get. For all I know, AOL's "You've got mail" slogan may soon be replaced by "You've got gas."
You know what would be really funny? If after it said, "you've got gas," somebody farted! And a fat man fell down the stairs!
The very best thing about this site, however, is the fact that she has to label everything as "COMEDY, PLEASE LAUGH." Just take a look at her nav bar:
Latest Humor Car Humor Career Humor Computer Humor Holiday Humor Marriage & Family Humor Money Humor Travel Humor Misc. Humor Raising Kane Humor
See? She has to stick "HUMOR" after everything, because otherwise, you wouldn't know it was supposed to be funny. Be sure to check out "Dubya's Dayly Diary," which is… oh god, words can't even begin to describe, but here's my vain attempt summarize the basic concept:
Dear Diary - duurrr my name be George W. Bush and I'm dumb. Yee haw I'm a cowboy I reckon I should stop a terrorist ahuck down on the farm! Golly I sure like crawdad and huntin' and fishin'. Me and Dick Chain-y went down yonder to the cement pond and I fell on a pretzel, tarnation! Speakey of which me wife Laura saidza me twin daughtahs got 'restted for drinkin' but at least day aint like my bro's kids ahuck! I had the wee bit old sex wit dem cause I humped da half dat wasn't me blood kin! Durrrr, I'm from texas! DURRR DURRRR I'M A FUCKING MORON AND TALK LIKE A HILBILLY, GET IT?!?! HUMOR! IT'S LABELED FUCKING HUMOR LOOK AT ME I'M CLOWN WOMAN!!!!!!!!
Sorry, my rage got the better of me at the end there. Anyway, be sure to check out the site and post your thoughts on the message board. Remember, this is humor! It's very clearly labeled. Like radioactive waste. And twice as fun!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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