Chasing Hawks is so completely off the wall that it defies any sort of succinct explanation. Oh, it's the mostly-broken home page of a happy gay family. Oh, there's a page devoted to socks that one of the men knits, that's adorable. Oh, there's a gallery of goatboys. Some of them are masturbating. How exciting that will be for their daughter to discover!
Honestly, this site is a treasure trove, and I wish I'd found it sooner, before all the GeoCities and AOL Homepage links had died, so I could see their "Home on the Range," or "J.J.'s couch." The links that still work are good, though, don't get me wrong. There's a nice little page for Michael, whose "Mysterious" nature is only enhanced by the fact that every related bio-info page is now gone. The "cast list" suggests this might be a polyamorous relationship, which is probably a little weird for their daughter, but I'm sure she'll adjust. After all, at sixteen, she's a big fan of smoking, punk rock and Hunter S. Thompson, which is pretty much code for "the coolest girl at Rainbow Barbies Senior High."
I'm not sure where the title "Chasing Hawks" comes from. There's a nice little hippie/Earth Child vibe going on, kind of, though more of the kind where they realized they could make way more money hawking (no pun intended) that shit in the suburbs. I'm beginning to lean towards the idea that one or both of them may be Native American, just by virtue of the "Lakota Water" link, which sends me to a Web site for some sort of tribe on the "Rosebud Reservation."
Chasing Hawks is one of the most inscrutable sites I've ever seen, which is a wonderful thing these days, now that I think about it. It's a lot more fun trying to decipher quirky clues on a weird yet harmless site than it is to visit a site that instantly greets you with a fox masturbating all over a dinosaur or something. Keep sending us more links like this!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.