Cyber Monday might be over, but if cyberbabes get your motor running (because what could be hotter than women who are literally objects and are programmed to like you, am I right fellas), you'll want to click on over to FembotWiki, your guide to the weird and wired world of technosexuals!
From commercials to DuckTales, if a piece of media has ever featured a girl robot, you can bet your bitcoins there's probably an entry about it, or at least an extensive vidcap gallery of said girl robot. You know, for "research" purposes. If the mainstream fembot canon isn't flipping your lever, there's also a huge collection of truly awful Photoshops, like these sexy manipulations from "FacelessFembot." I can feel my eyes bugging out like the Tex Avery wolf's as I leer at these chicks with Daft Punk masks for faces ... homina homina homina!
The best/worst content at FembotWiki comes from Frostilicus, maker of bizarre, over-the-top, definitely NSFW!!! Flash animations. (Here's the cleanest one I could find). Frostilicus enhances clips of porn stars by digitally attaching exposed wires and faceplates to their bodies, occasionally adding "robot" sounds from a dot matrix printer or modem connecting to AOL for the full futuristic sensory experience.
FembotWiki also boasts a massive library of erotic fiction, where you'll find something for everyone, provided everyone wants to bang a bot. "H is for Heuristic" is a 100-chapter spy-thriller epic, while "Fembots In History" is a pretty spot-on pastiche of Sherman and Mr. Peabody. My favorite story is "Victoria," in which a fanfiction writer with an android fetish (hrm, do I detect a self-insert...?) finally gets to live his android girlfriend dreams:
Brett decided to tell her. He actually liked this girl and he thought she liked him back. Of course, she was in love with Brett Harrison, not “Sir_Droido.” Brett had been a part of the ASFR community for a long time. It was sad to think his relationship with the fetish group had lasted twice as long as any relationship he had with a woman.
"I shall partake in the robot sex... for I am Sir_Droido!"
With so much material to sift through, it's all the more rewarding when a cyborg connoisseur finds a rare gem of a story, like the one lauded in this review:
What makes this piece work, and work well, is Robotman's attention to detail. He takes pains to ensure that Unit 469 (played by Tara Indiana) comes across as strictly a machine; there is no human emotion whatsoever, outside of the odd feminine mannerism (which can be easily construed as part of her programming). And the script maintains this discipline throughout, thus finally giving us an accurate portrayal of a wholly mechanical entity, which 99% of all other stories fail to do, to some degree. It is this simple fact, that finally places all of the "robot cliches" into a proper context - the repetition, the malfunctions, the proper functions ("..Processing..." ); all are more believable because 469's mechanical nature is heavily stressed through the entire script.
See, any chump can do the "beep boop click whirr" stuff, but it takes a skilled artiste like Robotman to do it with dignity. I demand nothing less than accuracy when it comes to my robot sex fantasies!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.