H.O.N.G.K.O.N.G. (Thanks, Hagetaka!)

The Masters ended in April, so even golf fans, the only non-residents who ever pay any attention to Augusta, Georgia, are done thinking about it. However, H.O.N.G.K.O.N.G. is working hard to make sure that people who currently associate the city with an all-male country club for a weekend or so will instead associate the entire city with exclusionary practices year-round! The organization's labored acronym (above) spells out a city that ranks among the world's most densely populated, but H.O.N.G.K.O.N.G. doesn't covet Hong Kong's crowded streets so much as its ethnic homogeneity.

"Wealther folks have an appreciation and the means to afford well landcaped yards. They also are more likely to contribute to their immediate neighborhood instead of always taking and not giving back."

Fortunately for Augusta, these "wealther folks" and "porperty owners" are "comming" together to keep out the riff raff!

• Would you like to see people who ride around with booming, boom boxes, given a citation or go to jail?
• Would you like to have a garden club comprised of interesting people, living in our neighborhood insteed, of the riff raff who are all too prevalent here?

Clearly things are getting pretty bad for these concerned citizens, who are so traumatized by their blighted surroundings that they insert superfluous commas into sentences at erratic intervals as a nervous tic! Surely a group of people that asserts itself as superior to a neighboring group of people wouldn't present to the public a Web site riddled with ignorance and errors unless they did so only because of that damn distracting "boom box" noise and the ominous presence of able-bodied loiterers!

For the most part, H.O.N.G.K.O.N.G. reads like the usual N.I.M.B.Y. site maintained by inarticulate malcontents, but the page labeled "Federal Housing projects and crime comming to a location near you soon" is rather odd. It contains a picture of some elderly members "enjoying the piano" before bestowing "honorary membership" on Hyacinth Bucket, an etiquette-lecturing character from a '90s BBC sitcom. Is this an Easter Egg that proves the whole thing is a troll (H.O.N.G.K.O.N.G. gets linked unironically and regularly on all the usual shithole racist forums), or was the site hacked with a parody of its snobbishness, or was this a weird stab at "lighter-side" humor from Southern fuddy-duddies who otherwise communicate entirely through fearmongering and crime statistics? The mind boggles.

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller