Not satisfied with achievements such as "being really good at running with a football three years ago" and "being arrested four times for assaulting women," Kansas City Chiefs player Larry Johnson now aspires to be a Toon Icon. At least that's one way of interpreting his cryptic Web site toonicon.com, which opens with an animated Johnson at a press conference, fielding queries such as "Why?" and "Did you?" Unhappy with this line of questioning, Johnson's eyes turn paint-the-future white, then he becomes enormous as the sky flashes with ominous colors.
After that apocalyptic opening, the site moves to a futuristic navigation screen dominated by the words "coming soon." (Even the link to the site's designers results in a domain placeholder.) Accessible features include a photo gallery containing uncaptioned mysteries like this random fishing dude, and a blog packed with captivating images (LJ cavorting with terrible musicians like Asher Roth and a guy from Good Charlotte! "Crazy Asian candies!"), compelling insights ("some of these sports bloggers are corny as hell"), deft similes ("getting cut up like a julienne salad ya'll," "bad look to the drunk girl who kept trying to rush me like a linebacker"), and existential quandaries.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.