Not satisfied with achievements such as "being really good at running with a football three years ago" and "being arrested four times for assaulting women," Kansas City Chiefs player Larry Johnson now aspires to be a Toon Icon. At least that's one way of interpreting his cryptic Web site toonicon.com, which opens with an animated Johnson at a press conference, fielding queries such as "Why?" and "Did you?" Unhappy with this line of questioning, Johnson's eyes turn paint-the-future white, then he becomes enormous as the sky flashes with ominous colors.
After that apocalyptic opening, the site moves to a futuristic navigation screen dominated by the words "coming soon." (Even the link to the site's designers results in a domain placeholder.) Accessible features include a photo gallery containing uncaptioned mysteries like this random fishing dude, and a blog packed with captivating images (LJ cavorting with terrible musicians like Asher Roth and a guy from Good Charlotte! "Crazy Asian candies!"), compelling insights ("some of these sports bloggers are corny as hell"), deft similes ("getting cut up like a julienne salad ya'll," "bad look to the drunk girl who kept trying to rush me like a linebacker"), and existential quandaries.
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.