People use stuffed simulacra for everything these days, from dead-relative storage to sexual release. (Hopefully, no one assigns both responsibilities to the same plush.) But perhaps no one has spent quite as much money on fabric companionship as this guy, who has purchased three $700 Teddy Babes, not to mention the untold amount he's shelled out for replacement vaginal inserts.
It's all worth it to the Teddy Babe Chronicler, because, to quote his romantic ode to a member of his inanimate harem, "she doesn't snore, she doesn't complain, she's warm and cuddly, and she doesn't hit me in the eye with her elbow when she rolls over -- AND she even gets my hormones flowing!" Except she actually does complain in one of his stories, yawning "aren't you done yet?" before rolling over and going to sleep, leaving him "feeling a bit anxious." In this scenario, he encounters sexual disinterest, which surely echoes the sort of experiences that have driven him to this depressing fate, but he's rejected for being too potent a lover, which is where the fantasy aspect comes in. That, and the fact that the sentiments come from a goddamn fuck-Muppet.
It's like Big Love, if the polygamist character was less "Mormon" and more "delusional dollfucker."
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
What do you do when The Dark Knight himself pulls a boner?
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
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