Psychologists once asked people to compare their bowel movements to photos of other people's feces. The subjects all favored their own shits. One of the Internet's proudest achievements has been to eliminate this bias with objective quantification sites such as Ratemypoo.com. But people who don't mind cheating to produce aesthetically pleasing excreta can order the Turd Twister, an attachment that turns your ass into a Play-Doh Fun Factory.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.