Psychologists once asked people to compare their bowel movements to photos of other people's feces. The subjects all favored their own shits. One of the Internet's proudest achievements has been to eliminate this bias with objective quantification sites such as Ratemypoo.com. But people who don't mind cheating to produce aesthetically pleasing excreta can order the Turd Twister, an attachment that turns your ass into a Play-Doh Fun Factory.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.