Used to Be 803 (thanks ReturnToSander) - Jeremy Norman used to be 803 pounds. Now he's a slim 300-something. Why should you care? Because apparently being that fat puts immense pressure on the brain, causing what scientists like to call "batshit insanity." And this means comedy profit for all of us (but mostly me).
The main focus of Jeremy's site is his amazing weight loss, which he documents in the most disgusting of detail. Just look at what the wonders of gastric bypass surgery have brought him:
Heart in Atrial Fibrilation (discovered a few days before surgery), Sepsis, Part of Colon Died (havecolostemy bag now), Abdomen Left Open (still open closing on its own), Possible Mini Stroke (turned out to be ICU Neuropathy and still can't walk yet), Bed Sores (went to the bone), Kidney Failure (twice, but came back with dialysis), Liver Damage (but okay now), Possible Staph Infection in Heart (we'll never really know), Multiple Infections (including Pneumonia, Psuedemonis, blood infections, urinary tract infections and infections in the sores), Tracheostomy (couldn't talk for 9 whole months and was on the ventilator), Thrush (multiple sores on legs and Hair Loss just to name a few ;)
If that isn't enough for you, there are pictures! Yes, Jeremy has documented every open sore on his disgusting body, and has let the world view parts of him only the most soiled of bedsheets have seen. His gigantitude combined with his hot wife and love of Jesus makes Used to be 803 quite the Internet freak show. Enjoy laughing at the pain of others in a way only Something Awful can bring you.
Special thanks to the BYOB crew for today's frontpage images!
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
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