"Thousand of woman have ghosts in their private area and don't know it," warns Haunted America Tours. This condition causes specter-infested crotches to glow and transmit "black energy." Uterus inhabitants include dead babies (probably stillborns who weren't properly placated with postmortem gifts) and deceased husbands, who live in constant fear of having their immortal spirits penetrated by some new dude's dick. Occasionally peni are commandeered as poltergeist flashlights, but usually males must deal with the daunting presence of the notoriously rude Bowel Ghost. If you're unsure whether your vaginal/anal misfortunes are due to malevolent phantoms or some less exotic culprit like venereal disease or colon cancer, follow this protocol: "Try passing an EMF Meter over your naked body. And recording EVP's by placing a digital voice recorder in your genital regions. You might be surprised at the results."
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.