Paul, I don't know if this is you in this video; it may be a friend, or someone you don't even know. But on the off chance that it is you, you have replaced dog264 as my new hero and role model.
FROM: "Paul Lefkowitz"
Dear Mr. Bailey -
I love the new feature. It's makes me laugh in ways previously only theoretical. I humbly submit the following video for your consideration to publish in a future installment.
Bryan writes reviews about fat, angry retards who make videos so I don't have to.
Drag guy who REALLY Hates fox news and replicans and everyone and spits at the camera.
AND THE EVEN BETTER THREE HUNDRED POUND FAT GUY RESPONSE:
This guy is perpetually FAT and out of breath and angry, and trying to say... something? About 9/11? And police officers? And flames? And the twin towers? And all with ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING
It wouldn't be so funny but he's so fat. Hahaha fat people.
Do I need to go on?
If you are 35 and you are not integrated into the Gigathrax then you are not ready to retire.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!