It dawned on me when I sat down to write this edition of AwfulVision: This is the 11th AwfulVision I'll have written. At the rate of two per month, this means that I'm entering my 6th month of writing and that I've devoted, like, half a year of my life to finding videos of furries ghost riding the whip and fat girls dancing to ICP music and then writing articles calling them gay. 6 months. Goddamn. The very thought chilled me to the bone, and I spent the next week drinking heavily until I lapsed into a coma for an indeterminate amount of time.
Thankfully, AwfulVision's patented Web 3.9 technology has a failsafe for this very situation, and when I arrived home from the hospital, an AwfulVision retrospective of the past 10 updates was waiting at my desk! Joy!
This update goes out to all of you who read AwfulVision week after week and support it by sending in new videos. Thanks a lot guys, and here's to 6 more months or 10 more articles or whatever comes first I guess! I know this is a comedy site and all and that I'm supposed to be funny (why start now?), but I just want to relate how incredibly appreciative I am that I get a chance to write for the best comedy website on the internet!
Okay, enough of me being a huge gaywad. Let's see what some of our AwfulVision favorites from the last 10 updates are up to!
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!