I'm sorry, LunarCrystal07. Clearly I was mistaken in thinking that you were a huge nerd. Instead, you're a standard issue pseudo-scenester Youtube attention whore who loves to send tl;dr emails to me about how they're in the navy now and how that's apparently supposed to instantly make them some kind of respectable person (gentlemen, start your hatemail) and completely atone for dreaming about Scott Bakula in the past. You have my sincerest apologies regarding this oversight. Furthermore, you just argued your own personality out of existence and with it went the only reason anyone would ever care about you.
I'd write more, but honestly you're such a boring person that I'm falling asleep at my desk. I guess it's not so much that you're unfuckable, as my original review implied, but that fucking you would probably render the fucker comatose as soon as you started rambling on about what you ate for breakfast or whatever the hell you talk about in bed.
Feel free to send me an email about YOUR NAVY CAREER and how I'm, like, omg sooooooooo totally wrong about how boring in bed you are. I mean, I know you will anyway, so I just thought I'd give you my expressed permission this time!
Editors note - Critics Corner will not be featured for this review because literally every single comment in every single one of her videos is LunarCrystal07 and her boring-ass friends posting about their boring little lives. If you really want to read stuff like "ARR MATEY HOWS THE NAVY", or if you suffer from insomnia, please feel free to check out her video on YouTube rather than the embedded version here.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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