Submitted by Sam F.
Dougxyz is a dude who was probably homeboys with Aristotle and road around on dinosaurs and shit. He was going to run against Grover Cleveland in the 1884 election, but was forced to pull out at the last minute because he didn't feel voters would vote for someone of his advanced age. Joan of Arc wanted him to take her virginity, but his erectile dysfunction prevented things from proceeding. He burnt down the Library of Alexandria because he didn't cotton to them there young whipper snappers and their papyrus scroll-learnin'.
Dude is old as hell.
He also sings. Here are some videos. Excelsior!
Dougxyz hasn't eaten bologna since they stopped making it out of saber-toothed tiger.
Take Doug's word that the Gold Rush is over. He was there when it started.
Many people incorrectly attribute this song to Bob Dylan. The truth is that Dougxyz wrote it during the cultural upheaval following the invention of the wheel and the domestication of the dog.
Here we have a touching recollection of the flood of Noah.
Dougxyz served some time in Folsom for his role in the McKinley assassination.
Dougxyz wrote this song because he was worried his girlfriend, Mary Magdalene, was "spending too much time with that Jesus character".
This seems to be a song regarding Dougxyz's enlistment during the Punic Wars.
THIS DUDE IS SO OLD GOD DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
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