Submitted by Sam F.
Dougxyz is a dude who was probably homeboys with Aristotle and road around on dinosaurs and shit. He was going to run against Grover Cleveland in the 1884 election, but was forced to pull out at the last minute because he didn't feel voters would vote for someone of his advanced age. Joan of Arc wanted him to take her virginity, but his erectile dysfunction prevented things from proceeding. He burnt down the Library of Alexandria because he didn't cotton to them there young whipper snappers and their papyrus scroll-learnin'.
Dude is old as hell.
He also sings. Here are some videos. Excelsior!
Dougxyz hasn't eaten bologna since they stopped making it out of saber-toothed tiger.
Take Doug's word that the Gold Rush is over. He was there when it started.
Many people incorrectly attribute this song to Bob Dylan. The truth is that Dougxyz wrote it during the cultural upheaval following the invention of the wheel and the domestication of the dog.
Here we have a touching recollection of the flood of Noah.
Dougxyz served some time in Folsom for his role in the McKinley assassination.
Dougxyz wrote this song because he was worried his girlfriend, Mary Magdalene, was "spending too much time with that Jesus character".
This seems to be a song regarding Dougxyz's enlistment during the Punic Wars.
THIS DUDE IS SO OLD GOD DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!