Submitted by Andrew R.
Ai yo, I heard a lot of mother fuckers out there talkin' that shit about me hidin' my ass in an attic and pretending to be up in my crazy-ass old man's UFO balloon. We're here to set the record straight: our dad is off his fucking rocker. Don't just take my word for it: King Brad-Rock, holla at 'em.
Brad-Rock in the place, set to rock the mic.
Been exploited by my dad since I was a tyke.
The real name's Bradford but don't crack wise,
I'm the only one with a name that won't roll ya eyes.
It's the R-Y-O takin' over for Brad,
Only kickin' this rhyme 'cause I'm scared of my dad.
Right now I'm just 8 but once puberty stops,
I'll have a thing for Asians just like my pops.
My name's Falc D and I get no respect,
Your scorn and contempt is what I expect.
It ain't my fault, my dad's to blame,
He'd slit my throat for 15 of fame.
3 scared kids and our crazy old man,
Start callin' CPS as fast as you can,
Yo, Falc D what's the master plan?
*beat drops out*
I wasn't in that balloon.
My dad's a liar.
All you sucka reporters can call me sire.
*folds arms across chest* Word.
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2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!