Submitted by Rory "Cirrus" Molyneux
Fuck the origins of the universe or the meaning of life or whether or not there is a God; the greatest mystery mankind has ever known is how every part of this fat slob's body managed to balloon up to 400 lbs (presumably by eating most of KMFDM's original lineup) except for his hair.
That about does it for this edition of AwfulVision! Thanks to everyone who submitted a video and special thanks to Charnjit Singh for reminding me to update my security system and change my locks by sending me creepy emails. Just kidding, Charnjit. You know I love you (but for real, my AwfulVision bunker is now protected by landmines and sentry towers).
If you, dear reader, would like to submit a video, you can do that right here. That is a "link" for all you "internet 'newbies'". Click it and all your wildest dreams will come true (assuming your wildest dreams were having your name credited on an internet article that like 3 people read).
Oh, also, sorry we didn't do another blatant MST3k ripoff this week. Shit's crazy right now. We'll do one again next time, only with more "jokes that are actually funny this time" and less "jokes that aren't funny and opening credits and all that horseshit". So, in other words, completely unlike last time. Booyah.
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!