Let this be a lesson in proper condom usage. Wrap your dick up properly or you can look forward to bullshit like this for the next 18 years (unless I have my way, and abortion up to the 58th trimester is legalized).
I'd love to see the parents responsible for these little retards; my guess is that the idiot fruit doesn't fall far from the faggot tree. These are the exact kind of reprobates that, in a few years, will probably be sitting outside my apartment -- seemingly 24 hours a day -- smoking pot, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and acting like gangstas.
I wish they'd get hit by a bus full of dynamite.
"I feel like something inside of me has died"
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!