Move over, John Wayne. Step aside, Ronald Reagan. There's a new patriot on the block, and he's in town to do two things: eat Freedom Fries, and kick lie-beral homo French ass.... and he's all out of Freedom Fries.
We start with Billy Bob responding to that "Why I'm voting Republican" video that's floating around.
Next up, Billy Bob has a message for all you sodomites out there that are profaning God's word by putting things other than suppositories and rectal thermometers up your ass.
Not even that atheist liberal JK Rowling and her hell-spawn witch Harry Potter are safe from Billy Bob's scathing rebuke.
I think you're wrong Billy Bob. I think the single greatest threat would be if you were to stop making videos. Then, the terrorists have truly won.
See, this is what I've been saying all along. If a number is bigger than 3999, it's a part of the liberal agenda. Mathematicians hate America and our freedoms.
Free speech isn't free, and if Billy Bob has his way, it won't be speach, either.
Jesusland is my favorite themepark. I love going there and riding the Holy Roller Coaster and the Water Into Wine Log Flume. "Jesusland: So much fun, it'll be a miracle if you want to go home!"
That about does it for yet another thrilling installment of AwfulVision. Thanks for reading, and big ups to all my peeps that sent in videos this week. I keep all of you in my prayers. Unfortunately, I pray to Baloth, God of Retribution so keeping you in my prayers may result in things too terrifying to even mention.
If you'd like to join these doomed souls and submit a video to AwfulVision, you can do so by clicking this link. And of course, you can always join our dumb YouTube channel that I am far too fat and lazy to ever update and instead I just use the account to troll Republicans and people with bad taste in music.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!