Submitted by Adam K.
As someone who gets paid to make people laugh, I feel uniquely qualified to offer up the following observation: conservative comedians are not, have never been and will never be funny if your idea of funny extends even remotely beyond trying really really hard to upset those dang ol' PC liburls by spewing a bunch of hate-filled bile.
Similarly, if you're a comic and most of your material involves jokes like "silly liberals, everyone knows gay people are abominations!", "silly liberals, who cares if we torture them? they're barely even human!" or "silly liberals, if you want healtcare so bad maybe you should tug on those boot straps a little harder!" then maybe it's time to reevaluate your choice in careers, you unfunny pile of shit!
"The fact that this [Country] was founded as the first true Christian nation is what makes it the best place on earth for Jews, atheists, and Muslims alike. ... The ACLU isn't anti-religious, it's anti-Christian."
-a real Steven Crowder quote unlike the two fake quotes below
"I am a 22 year old Canadian who was apparently one of the 19% of people who still supported George Bush there at the end, am a regular guest on Sean Hannity's show, and did a thrilling expose on 'ObamaCare' by secretly filming Canadian hospitals because I am literally too stupid to recognize any of the dozen things that are glaringly wrong with this idea. Also, I had a cameo on Greek. I unironically believe that you should take my political musings seriously."
-Steven Crowder's bio, abridged.
"bwa ha ha look at this PC libtard getting all worked up and mad about something by the way I FUCKKEN HATE ANTI-AMERICANS AND ABORTIONISTS
-every Steven Crowder blog entry ever
The CEO of Lobstero, makers of the expensive home Lobster System, responds to recent unfavorable headlines about hand-squeezing a lobster out of one of the company's Lobster Packs.
Should you call someone a Nazi? The answer will surprise you.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!