AwfulVision™ Presents: Nerdcore Hiphop

Maybe you've been living under a rock for the past 5 years, or for that matter, maybe you just aren't a retarded manchild who's life consists of working retail, living in your parents basement, smoking pot, and cracking up at Aqua Teen Hunger Force between bites of Captain Crunch. Either way, if you haven't heard of Nerdcore Hiphop, you've really been missing something, much in the way you were "really missing something" if you were Jewish and didn't live in continental Europe during the 1930's and 40's.

Nerdcore spawned from what was once a pretty funny online joke site: MC Hawking. The idea was that two drunk college kids took one of those computer voice sampler things and made songs where it sounded like physicist Stephen Hawking was rapping about - get this - both science and what a gangsta he supposedly is. Like most internet trends, the original idea was semi-funny, but the shit it caused is where the problem lies.

Despite ripping off an internet joke site 5 years after it was funny for his gimmick, MC Frontalot maintains that he invented the revolutionary idea of "rapping about Metroid and pocky and shit". Oh, also, I should point out that "scrawny white guys rapping about Ninja Turtles" doesn't really translate into very good sales, so a lot of the rest of these are fan-made videos. Honestly, I think if you go into this with that fact in mind, it makes it even funnier.

Not to be one-upped, mc chris fired back with this now "classic" joint about Boba Fett trying to make car payments or something equally as inspired. You may recognize chris's voice as "one of those idiots who does unfunny voices for various Adult Swim shows". You see, Adult Swim voice overs are to Nerdcore what getting shot is to real Hip Hop: instant cred.

Eventually we reached the point of (relative) market saturation and nerdcore got even more terrible and self-parodying. Here's a video by MC Lars, who is clearly the Winger to mc chris's Motley Crue. To add further irony to the already onion-like layers of this fiasco, Lars decides to level his lyrical guns at emo. Not because it's silly, but - get this - because he thinks it's just a passing fad.

As you may have guessed by now, Something Awful™ is a humor site that caters to nerds. It only stands to reason that some of our forum members make terrible fucking embarrassing nerdcore hiphop. Here we have a song by The Former Fat Boys entitled I Want It (Gimme Gimme) ((Toys). It is a rap song glorifying being 25, living at home, and still wanting toys for Christmas. Street as hell, motherfucker. Also, it's worth pointing out that at least one of the Former Fat Boys is still fatter than shit, so if either of you cretins are reading this, please change your name to A Former Fat Boy And Apparently Some Kind Of Bearded Ape That Is Still Very Fat Also Both Of You Are Wacker Than Fuck. Thank you!

Finally, here we have a nerdcore freestyle. I honestly don't even know what to say about this mess.

Critics Corner™

"Hahahaha noes.
You're fuckin' fake kid. and that lyric, yea, original huh, I don't think so.
It is stereotypeshit. All those wack rap-kids, rap 'bout smokin' weed, and say things like; My freestyle is diffrent al the time. So please, don't rape beats from hiphopgod Necro or goretex, so face the truth kid, the chance that you're going to be a rapper is like, 1%."
-HellxDoll

"MC satanic Hawkings
wearin see through stockings
Mr know it all with the talkings
Disrespects creation in his bloggings
stalking truth in his path of moonwalking
with the attitude of yawning
he waits for GOD in the dawning
but in the end he is the one who is wanting"
-SYmPHONICnv

"well, i guess emo's are everywhere in the world, maybe my claim that my town is the emo capital is a bit exaggerated, but it kinda feels that way, youth magazines are quite emo, music scene is emo, so many kids turn emo because "it's cool", and they congregate in the city square every weekend, it's an amazing sight"
-RavenNightcrawler

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About This Column

As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!

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