Submitted by DominatedOhSix
I used to love wrestling. Then, I turned 6 and realized it was for stupid little kids and even stupider grown ups who can somehow rationalize hating gay people with loving to watch sweaty men roll around and grope each other. Just kidding, I never liked wrestling. Sike!
That doesn't mean others don't however, and more power to 'em, I say! This is the U-fucking-nited States of Goddamn America, and in this country (where our colors never run and we are promised life, liberty, and the pursuit of "gitting r dun") men should have the freedom to watch a soap opera that doesn't shatter their already fractured sense of manhood. Sensing this dire need, the Free Market through the power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ created wrestling to fill that very niche. USA! USA! USA!
The goons over in our very own "Wrestlehut" forum (a forum dedicated to the eternal love goons have for both wrestling and Pizza Hut) recently had a thread wherein they posted videos of "super fans" doing retarded, wrestling-related things. On a side note, the goons in our very own "Wrestlehut" forum embody only the best aspects of wrestling fans and I don't just say this because I'm afraid they'll powerbomb me through a table, but because I'm afraid they'll powerbomb me through a table onto some flaming thumbtacks.
The wording of DominatedOhSix's email was a bit vague, but I believe this is fellow goon "Kush" in this video (if this isn't Kush, though, I apologize since a video this bad not only ruins any future political aspirations he may have, but may make him eligible for involuntary removal from mankind).
"THE FATTEST HUMAN"
"If you rock out just a little harder maybe the neighbor kid will be freed from your massive amount of girth. Keep reaching for the stars, kid!!
"You're 26 right? I predict by 30 you'll have diabetes and by 35 you'll be dead from a heart attack. Seriously dude, you're practically committing suicide. Your heart is working 5 times harder than a normal person. You're not fat, you're morbidly obese."
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!