For a comedy website, Something Awful sure is read by a lot of people who don't "get" comedy. How do I know this? Simple. Someone actually submitted this video as "bad". To them I say "What the fuck are you? Retarded?"For those of you who hate reading things and watching videos, this sums everything up perfectly.
Actually, the only reason I'm including this is so that I never again have to comb through Youtube to find this video. It is a shining jewel; a paragon of internet humor; this video is one of the - no - it IS the best video I've ever seen. Knowing, as I do, that it was made by one of our forum goons, I can only guess that the person who submitted this is also the person who made it. If so, my friend, you needn't virally market your video. This video should be plated with gold and worshiped by everyone on earth. Sure, Jesus and Buddha and those guys were cool, but did they teach you how to properly set traps, as this video does? No? Then sit the fuck down, newbie.
For you cretins who don't know funny from a fucking hole in the ground, this video is the "pilot episode" of an "internet childrens show" called Buttholes. It stars Andy (aka my hero) and Will (aka my other hero) and is best viewed while on as much acid as the human body can tolerate. In this video, Andy and Will cackle madly, lay traps for each other, and dance. That may not sound particularly funny, but then again I have a Ph.D. in comedy so I think I'm probably correct in saying this is the funniest thing mankind has ever made. I am also high as fucking shit right now.
It starts with our host Andy welcoming us to "myyyyyyyyyyy house haahaahahahahaaaaaaaa" while a screwed and chopped version of Cotton-Eyed Joe plays in the background. For the first minute or so, Andy entertains us by playing with a Wooly Willy game and cackling madly. In fact, he cackles madly for what seems like years every time he says anything. I can only imagine what a typical night on the town would be with this guy.
"Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?"
"HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA MY NAMES ANDY AND IIIIIIIIIII WANT SOME AAAAAAAAPPLE PIIIIIIIIIIIES HAAAHAAAAAAHAHHAHAAAAA"
"O....kay.... how many can I get you, sir?"
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA A MILLION BAFILLION HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA AND A LAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE ROOOOOOOOOOT BEER HAAAHAAAAAAA"
"Sir, are you high?"
A carefully laid trap.The high point of this video is when Andy sits down on the last of Wills traps and apparently becomes possessed by a demon. I'm not going to give you minute markers for when this happens, but trust me, you'll know when it does. I am not joking when I say it will change your life.
To summarize, Buttholes is possibly the best thing ever made. It even spawned two sequels, both of which are hilarious. So please, the next time you think something isn't funny, remember that I didn't spend 4 years at a nationally accredited internet university laboriously studying internet comedy for nothing so please leave things like this to the professionals.
"Fucking pieces of shit niggers."
"This is made of gay and AIDS"
"That was the lamest thing I've ever seen and every one of you who thought it was funny are faggots."
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!