Balloon Log, 24059.8 - "Mad", the called me. But aren't all great explorers are hailed as insane by their peers? These short-sighted fools can barely comprehend the very ideas they belittle as "mad". Was Marco Polo "mad" when he circumnavigated the globe? Were the Wright brothers "mad" when they proved that powered flight was more than a pipe dream? Was Neil Armstrong "mad" when he stepped out upon the lunar surface and said "One small step for man, but one giant leap for mankind"? Tomorrow, I begin preparations for man's first great odyssey of the 21st century. We'll see who's "mad" now... "They all laughed when I told them my plan. Well, who's laughing now?!?"
Balloon Log, 24060.1 - Preparations are underway as I make this journal entry. My assistants, blinded by their own foolish fears, have abandoned me. No worries, I shall complete this great undertaking on my own, if need be. I must cut this entry short, however, as Mom is yelling at me to do the laundry. If all goes well with this experiment, I will be fabulously wealthy. Perhaps even wealthy enough to achieve my goal of moving out before I'm 50? We shall see.
Balloon Log, 24061.3 - A slight set back this morning, I fear. While running some routine calculations, I entirely forgot that it was Pottery Day at the Sunset Hills Assisted Living Home. I love pottery, and while I'm clearly not mentally retarded, my superb acting skills have duped those buffoons into letting me in every Thursday for over 6 months. I shall be careful not to make anything too large, however, as I'm saving room on my shelf for all the trophies I will undoubtedly recieve once the experiment is complete.
Balloon Log, 24063.7 - Tomorrow is the day history will be changed! Mark my words, I shall go down with the likes of Newton and Einstein! I must keep this entry short, however, as being well rested is paramount to my success! "oh my oh dear this is not right no this is not right at all oh god i can't breathe"
Balloon Log, 24064.1 - Well, it has all come down to this. My detractors are legion, but history shall be my judge and jury. The final preparations are complete, and now it is time to take my rightful place in science. Yes, hundreds of years from now, students will study "billoon45's balloon walk" along side Edison inventing the electric light and Bell inventing the telephone. I step forward not merely a possibly autistic man, but a possibly autistic man who has accepted his fate and shoulders a destiny not unlike Christ's.
Balloon Log, 24064.2 - Oh dear, I seem to be stuck.
"The product of human evolution....being able to put oneself into a balloon. Wtf."
"Somebody please give Richard Dreyfus an acting job. He's been out of work waaaaaaaaay too long! "
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!