Fade in with swelling trumpets to the busy skyways of Dantoonine.
The skies are bustling with all spaceships of all shapes and sizes,
moving to and fro between the tall brown buildings.
ONE SHIP zooms into the foreground, zipping lightly along very close to the ground.
A HAMMERHEAD is walking by with some friends and the spaceship swoops by
right over his head. The HAMMERHEAD ducks and shakes his fist.
HAMMERHEAD: Jedi PooDoo!
Wash to a small apartment building. OBI-WAN and ARTOO approach a small door.
OBI-WAN looks grim and pensive.
OBI-WAN: I'm not looking forward to this, Artoo.
Arrtoo whistles mournfully.
The door whooshes open and Maala Windu, a severe-looking black woman
is standing before them. She smiles warmly.
MAALA: Obi-Wan! This is a surprise!
She gives OBI-WAN a loving hug, and attempts to kiss him, but OBI-WAN
pulls away with embarrassment.
Cut to Artoo whistling with confusion as his head swivels around.
MALA: It is OK, Obi! Master Windu is far away battling Rankors!
He has no knowledge of your visit here! (concerned)
You were not followed here by him, were you?
OBI-WAN: I'm afraid not. (takes MALA's hands)
Jedi Master Windu has been killed.
A single tear drops from MALA'S beautiful eye. WE SEE it land in
slow-motion on Artoo and burst in a beautiful halo.
MALA: I know... somehow...I've known all along.
OBI-WAN: (startled) You do? But how could you...(realizes)
MALA: I have something of the Force in me as well, Obi.
OBI-WAN: But you have no midichlorians in you! I checked you myself!
MALA: You have not checked me out for the midichlorians since
before the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan. I have lots of them now. We have
found a way to cultivate them by using a hyperdrive motivator.
OBI-WAN: But...that's brilliant! Who thought of such a -
Enter a suave-looking black child clad in royal blue pajamas.
LANDO: Daddy! Daddy! (sees OBI-WAN, slows)
MALA: I have some bad news, little one.
LANDO: (eyes widening) No....
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.