INT - JEDI COUNCIL CHAMBER
Anakin stands inside a circle of powerful and weird looking
Jedi. Some of them are really weird looking and have things
protruding from their heads. Yoda and the black guy are there
and they look stern. Obie Wan has his hand on Anakin's shoulder.
Anakin, you have disappointed us you have.
I feel no need to defend my actions to you, greenie.
Excuse me, you must. Call me Greenie, did you?
That's right, you're a greenie. You're green as a tree!
Hardly think I am green do I. Skin colored am I.
Master Yoda, I am afraid the boy is right. You are green.
Impossible this is. Black man Jedi, a mirror you will get
for me you will.
Here is your mirror, master Yoda.
The black Jedi hands a looking glass to Yoda who contemplates it
Many things I am... but green I am not.
YES YOU ARE GREEN! YOU ARE AS GREEN AS AN AVACADO!
This is hardly a concern to us now. Yoda, you are green.
Now tell the boy what you have decided.
But I... Anakin, you are hereby kicked out of the Jedi
you are. No longer will you practice the force you will.
I don't have to do what you say! I am a man now! I got a
girl pregnant even, but Obie Wan stole my baby and now
he won't tell me where it is! Is that right? No!
Really steal his baby did you?
The baby was given to me, and I took it to a safe place
where Anakin will never think to go because he's been
there several times already.
He even named my baby without asking me.
I could tell its name just by looking at it. This is the
way of the force.
Name it Luke, did he?
That's right... how did you know?
He names everything Luke he does. Even his dog named Luke
Well it's a good name is all. Now let's get back to the
point. We're kicking Anakin out of the Jedi.
Anakin, right he is. Now give me your midichlorians you
But I thought they were in my blood? That's what Queegon
Queegon was an idiot. They're in your teeth.
Take the boy's teeth we must.
No! You're not getting my teeth! You'll have to go through
my mustache first!
Anakin spins around and punches Obie Wan in the face! He pulls the
black guy's lightsaber off of his belt with The Force and turns it
on and runs out of the room. Obie Wan gets up, dumbfounded.
Go! You must capture him you will!
But he could be anywhere by now!
Anakin leans back in the door
(Shouts) Hey Obie Wan, Luke is a really queer name, when
I find him I'm going to call him Chappie!
You can realize that you’ve wasted the last few moments of youth at an occupation you hate or fool yourself into a numb compliance with one of these great excuses.
You've heard of #BlackLivesMatter and #AllLivesMatter, but the ancient voice of a mountain offers us the hardest truth of all: #NoLivesMatter. And also some opinions about immigrants.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.