There is a great tradition involving Something Awful and sex aids shaped like real women, which stretches back many years. The rise in popularity of the real doll has lead to a lot of laughs, but at times we forget the real victims. The inflatable sex doll. With this new breed of more robust, and arguably more realistic sex toys, the old favorite of the blowup doll has been left in the dust. That's why this week's Comedy Goldmine is taking the time to salute forum goon doctor thodt. You see, he refuses to conform to the demands of the sex doll industry. He takes pride in owning an inflatable girlfriend, and the two share a love which cannot be broken by advances in masturbationary tools or laughter from the common man. Let us now share their love, by spending a day in the life of Jessica, quite possibly the sexiest girl made from rubber that I've ever laid eyes upon. doctor thodt is your guide.
doctor thodt couldn't wait to tell everyone the news. "I won a blowup doll in my sexual behavior class today. It's like a wannabe Jessica Alba Sin City thing. There was a raffle (They had representatives from an adult store come in to give a seminar on sex toys) and when my name was called I was like "Shit" really loudly so I was obligated really. I'm just glad I didn't win a vibrator or nipple clamps or any of the other weird stuff they were giving away. I thought it was pretty cool actually."
Some forum goons reached the conclusion that the doll doesn't look very much like Jessica Alba.
Click on the following images to see Jessica unleashed in all her glory. A VERY SEXY WARNING: While there is no real (human) nudity contained in any of this article, it's probably best not to look at pictures of sex dolls in a public place.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.