Finally, the big moment. I had to throw ze switch myself - Igor had to take his mum to the vet. Still, at least I don't have to put up with his flatulent whinings. Don't get me wrong, he's a lovely lad but if I have to hear any more about Beckham's signing to Madrid I swear I'll scoop out his hump and fill it with semtex.

I'm a traditionalist - to me an assistant should have limp hair that looks like a greasy mop-head used to clean up after an explosion in a turd factory. But you can't tell kids these days what to do. If Igor wants a blonde mohawk then I guess I have to put up with it. But I'll be damned if he'll accompany me to the annual Mad Scientist Gala Ball looking like that! Oh yes, Doctor Destructo would be VERY pleased to see that, the smarmy little git.

I might also takes this time to give a shout-out to the guys at http://www.villainsupply.com/ - nice work lads! The BEST place to get weapons-grade plutonium, bar none.

So the switch is thrown and...SUCCESS! Or, if you prefer, "It's alive! ALIVE! Hahahahahaha!"

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.