melodywise

Don't give me a key to one of these things and then tell me how to use it. You know what's going to happen. My biggest regret is having a sudden bout of conscience and giving the damn key back. WHY!? Why did I do that!?



eighteenspikes

This one was dry-erase, so we couldn't rearrange letters, we could only remove them:


Outdoor Minigolf = Outdoor Milf!


Lobo

Our sign at work is routinely vandalized to hilarious effect with things like "Come check out our new hummer whores!" and the salon next door was advertising "Rape Facials 20% off" last month. Here's one I snapped with the cellphone camera before changing it back one fine afternoon.



georgelazenby


There's no other way to say it than to simply come out and state that this article is OVER. Thanks to all the forum goons who took part in this little project, and you'll all be delighted to know that I've passed your names and details over to your local police force. If you're not in prison on Christmas day, I'll be back next Tuesday with a special festive edition of the Comedy Goldmine to enjoy after your turkey. Gather your family around the PC (yes, even grandma!), pour everyone a glass of eggnog and enjoy my gift to you, an article entitled Draw Rudolph's Penis. Don't miss it!

– Craig "Russ" Russell

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.