"Regular Vending Machine Where You Can Buy Big American Asses"

fuck. marry. t-rex

Big hairy asses are all carefully stocked on the twisty metal rails. The machine has a tasteful wood vinyl-vineer.

Some of the asses cost .50c more but there is no discernable reason why.

A lot of the coordinate labels are rubbed off.

Kthulhu5000

There's Ass Regular. And then there's also Ass Spicy, which is Ass Regular but with a faded rose tattoo on the left buttock.

Is it a breach of ass social decorum to mention the individual components of the ass? I believe most people want think of the whole ass.

FutonForensic

lots of people in my state are annoyed by the ass ban. i get it, having to drive to south carolina just to get a box of asses is annoying.

but when you see your nephew clutching the bloodied stump of what's left of his arm because he held an Xtra Large Arby's Ass for too long... suddenly those bans seem like a blessing

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

sometimes you shake the machine and two asses will plop out. but its kinda hard to shake a whole convenience store
ass machine: 1 pooper market: 0

google THIS

You can, however, shake down a convenience store, potentially getting you unlimited asses.

Kthulhu 5000

I really like asses, but I hate all the packaging that comes with them. There's so much of it and it's so...tacky.

Why can't we be like Brazil or the French Riviera or Denver and have asses without so much packaging?

little munchkin

individually wrapped asses for when u only need one

Sham bam bamina!

the moldy old ass in the bottom row stuck in the back behind the corkscrew

lmbo calrissian

A semi translucent ass for when u have to be sneaky

little munchkin

picking up a big american ass at the drive-thru, but it's so heavy my car flips onto it's side like the one in the Flintstones intro

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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