Atma

As you look inside, you can't help but retch loudly at the horrible stench.

Three men are laying huddled together in the center of the tent, their faces dark and black. They appear to have been sleeping, but one slowly opens his eyes and meets your gaze. He is silent.

President Kucinich

> Fold up the tent and stuff it up your ass along with the grave rocks, bloody snow, regular snow, pee snow, scope, severed dick, snow goku, those people, and piss soaked pants.

> Just stuff everything up your ass.

Atma

If there's one thing you know about survival, it's that you must always be prepared. It's better to have more than you need than find yourself under-supplied.

You eagerly begin piling objects into your anal cavity. Anything and everything is considered fair game. If it's not bolted to the wall, it must be in you.

In the midst of sliding one of snow Goku's bone arms between your cheeks, you feel a sharp, sudden pain on the back of your neck. The snow is now very close to your face, then all fades to black.

You are dead.

C. Everett Koop

>Ask if there's room for a fourth. If they wonder if it's to conserve body heat, say "sure."

Gilganixon

>open the can with the knife and dump the contents on those smelly bastards

Sole.Sushi

>Ask "Hot enough for ya?" and give a knowing laugh

Atma

You snicker at the man beneath the blankets, "Hot enough for ya?" He rises very slowly, eyes unblinking.

"No..." he says in a weak voice. "No, in fact... I am very... very cold..."

He is reaching for something beneath his coat.

Ahundredbux

> burn a drop of your own blood to prove you're not The Thing

Hogge Wild

> dance the dance of the 7 veils to him

Atma

You know the warmth of dance can melt the ice of any man's heart. Drawing from your past experience in theater, you carefully execute the seductive dance of the seven veils, grabbing the blankets from the ground to use as props.

While whirling and spinning, you notice one of the other men has risen from sleep. The other lays completely motionless.

After finishing, you bend over, breathing heavily and slightly exhausted.

You feel a sharp pain on the back of your neck. The last thing you smell is the filthy floor of the tent.

You die.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2017 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.